What happens on a men’s retreat?

Jiu-jitsu on our Autumn Rewilding Retreat, Cornwall.

Bare knuckle fighting, cuddle puddles, primal scream therapy, magic mushrooms, strippers?

Over the past five years of hosting men’s retreats, I’ve realised that no one is really quite sure exactly what happens on a men’s retreat. Perhaps they’ve seen a couple Instagram videos of white guys with dreadlocks waving feathers around and yelling at each other, all completely sensationalised in a desperate attempt to hold a precious second of the desensitised doomscroller’s ever fragmenting attention span.

From the gate, I have a real problem with these kind of videos. Do what you like in your free time, but don’t pimp and publish such moments of acute intensity to appeal to an algorithm. If you’re serious about ‘doing the work’ then turn off the camera and be fully present with it. Rant over.

And so it is that the nervous first time retreater walks through our door absolutely shitting themselves, not sure whether they’ll be asked to spend the weekend talking to a group of strangers about their deepest childhood trauma, kill and butcher a wild animal with their bare hands, or both.

It doesn’t need to be this way. Men have been gathering for far longer than there has been social media or even google search. The best men’s retreat isn’t about the promotional video that gets the most views on TikTok!

The best men’s retreat is the one that creates the safest container for both introspection and expansion; the one that allows all of the unhelpful narratives we hold about ourselves to gently unravel, and offers an opportunity to step into the fullest and most authentic expression of what the integral masculine means to us.

But none of this answers my question! Why don’t you tell me what happens on a men’s retreat!?

I can, and I will, but I can’t help but feel it’s a very reductionist exercise. When we focus on the activities that happen on a men’s retreat we are only really looking at a small part of the picture.

I can tell you about the yoga and the breathwork and the wild swimming and the hikes and the saunas and the fire circles and the great food and the conversation… but I can’t help but feel you’d be missing the point of why we’re all here in the first place.

Because, whilst all of these activities may provide some degree of structure to the experience, the real work happens in the spaces that lie between.

It happens in the solo walk through the forest where your thoughts slow down for just long enough to feel connected to something greater than yourself.

It happens in the vulnerable conversation with a man two days ago a stranger, where you feel heard and seen in a way that your friends from back home have never allowed.

It happens when you look up at the stars, untainted by the bright lights of civilisation, for the first time since you can’t remember when.

Whilst I can’t tell you what happens on other men’s retreats, I can tell you what happens on a Both Sides Retreat, and it is this. We’ll spend time in nature and we’ll eat good food and we’ll talk about things that matter and we’ll guide you through some time honoured practices that benefit your physical and mental wellbeing.

If that all sounds unremarkable, then please take it as a necessary tonic to the world of excess and exaggeration that we live in. We don’t do this because it looks good or because men’s work is all of a sudden ‘on trend’ (trust me, it wasn’t like that five years ago!)

We do this because it is needed, because it makes a difference, and because we want men of all ages and backgrounds to find a safe way to explore their own relationship to masculinity. Whatever that word means to them.

Perhaps this is why so many other men’s retreats resort to sensationalist sales videos and unnecessarily complex itineraries… because they’re missing the point of all of this. We retreat to find simplicity, not complexity. In our experience there is very little that the gentle embrace of nature, the warm glow of a fire and the strong arm around your shoulder cannot heal.

We hope that this space enriches your life with as much greatness as it has ours. We look forward to welcoming you along the road.